Hey here's something to think about - I'm a fuck up! A failure of a human! Haven't had a girlfriend in five and a half years! Not the slightest on how I would go about getting one. Is that the issue at hand? No. It cold could be the cause, or it could be the result of the fact that I'm not normal. I am very abnormal. And I've missed out. It's too late. I'm fucked up for life. Maybe I'll become a pedofile now. Isn't that how it works? At the age of twenty five (almost), there is no more dating and learning related lessons. To top that off, I've never had a job. I couldn't even get a girlfriend, because nobody wants abnormal nobodies. Nobody that I would accept love from. Call it pride or whatnot, but I will probably not settle until after the day I die. Because I'm fucked up in the head as well. I can't be normal. So that - a person who didn't manage to get a job yet is clearly human trash.

So why am I still alive? I don't know. I don't know. There is no point, no journey, I will never be happy (of this I'm sure). Trying is too hard. I don't know how other people do it, but I can't operate in the same fashion. I just can't. There is nothing I can do anyway. I did not embed myself with useful skills, I just idled my years away. I saw no reason. Now I need it but I still see no reason. For what? For money? So that I could live my unhappy life for a little longer? I am so unhappy that in every happy moment I'm seeing the dark future. While I'm smiling or laughing, I am preparing myself to slump back down into apathy and melancholy once my mind leaves the happy fiction. Because there is no happiness for me. I'm destroyed far beyond repair. All I can do is wait for this all to end. Such a painful existence.