I wish I had somebody to love. Truly love, like there was nothing else that mattered in the world, like my very being depended on it!
First love. It's so innocent. It used to be. That, and the fact that I'm older now. Women my age have their mental innocence taken away by experiences. Could I ever find someone to share the love I dream of? Not in this day and age.
My heart may still be pure, but my mind is tainted with the demons of this world. I stopped trusting, I stopped believing, I stopped waiting.
I wish I had somebody to love. Truly love, like there was nothing else that mattered in the world, like my very being depended on it. But love like that does not exist…
Saturday, 12 October 2013
Friday, 11 October 2013
I see but faults and shortcomings everywhere I look.
This is what it means to be the average grownup.
I am a very strict man. The concept of forgiving is alien to me. I will shoot you down once I get a chance. Oh, an I am an angry man too. I don't get annoyed. I get properly angry. And if I'd let me have my way, I'd be shouting and violently beating people up every other day. Too bad I cannot. I wish it were that simple.
The more I live the more it seems to me that the world is rotten. I can think of no place in the world that I would say is great to live in. And the people. I've grown to think that they are all idiots. A select few are above. I am stupid, I know nothing and generally am pretty worthless. Realistically. Shit personality too, but I enjoy it. And when someone underperforms compared to me, this enrages me. How can you be more useless than me?? What kind of a retard are you? And then I start acting like I know it all - because others are even less than myself. How can I respect someone like that?
And everyone's delusional and submerged in their small lives. There's much greater stuff and it's so grim and here you are going to a theater play in London. Not famine or environmentalist stuff, I'm not a charity. Life is vast and grim, the world is. And there is nothing to it. Most everything we do is mundane.
But we push forward with no regard.
I am a very strict man. The concept of forgiving is alien to me. I will shoot you down once I get a chance. Oh, an I am an angry man too. I don't get annoyed. I get properly angry. And if I'd let me have my way, I'd be shouting and violently beating people up every other day. Too bad I cannot. I wish it were that simple.
The more I live the more it seems to me that the world is rotten. I can think of no place in the world that I would say is great to live in. And the people. I've grown to think that they are all idiots. A select few are above. I am stupid, I know nothing and generally am pretty worthless. Realistically. Shit personality too, but I enjoy it. And when someone underperforms compared to me, this enrages me. How can you be more useless than me?? What kind of a retard are you? And then I start acting like I know it all - because others are even less than myself. How can I respect someone like that?
And everyone's delusional and submerged in their small lives. There's much greater stuff and it's so grim and here you are going to a theater play in London. Not famine or environmentalist stuff, I'm not a charity. Life is vast and grim, the world is. And there is nothing to it. Most everything we do is mundane.
But we push forward with no regard.
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