Sometimes a sense of clarity and realism kicks in. And then I know that I'm barely scraping, that I don't have a likable or even good personality, that I'm emotionally crippled and that I have close to no chances of creating the family I want.
It's best to ignore thoughts like this. They are not pessimistic, they feel very grounded. I ignore it even when I know it to be true. It's best to remain delusional. One day my expectations might coincide with reality and then I will be able to wrongfully attribute it to triumph of the will.