Everyone, let’s do our best to become the sunshine!

What regards the name of my blog, it’s becoming a less and less representative name for myself. I’m growing fonder of and more trustful and maybe naïve towards other people again. Living my private life in solitude did seem like a good idea, but maybe that means I’ve finally learned to live with myself. “If you want to be able to live with someone else, learn to live with yourself” – that’s what I used to repeat to others who were feeling lonely and at the same time to myself.

There is one writer who is my absolute favourite, you might say I love… Well there’s love towards him as an entity – including his person, his books, his image I’ve formed in my head, his past… Well at least you might say there is some sort of strong fondness I don’t feel towards anyone else, or not in the same sense. Is this love yet? To cut to the chase, the man’s name is Haruki Murakami and I’m writing about him because he has published a book that’s not fiction. It is a memoir that answers a lot of my questions. Here’s what’s relevant to this topic: “In certain areas of my life, I actively seek out solitude. Especially for someone in my line of work, solitude is, more or less, an inevitable circumstance. Sometimes, however, this sense of isolation, like acid spilling out of a bottle, can unconsciously eat away at a person’s heart and dissolve it. You could see it, too, as a kind of double-edged sword. It protects me, but at the same time steadily cuts away at me from the inside. I think in my own way I’m aware of this danger – probably through experience – and that’s why I’ve had to constantly keep my body in motion, in some cases pushing myself to the limit, in order to heal the loneliness I feel inside and to put it in perspective. Not so much as an intentional act, but as an instinctive reaction.” – What I Talk About When I Talk About Running.

I cannot deny that my change was heavily influenced by anime and manga, where sweet and sincere people do great and are liked by everyone else. Now I know it’s the only way, really. When you expect the best out of people, they try to live up to your expectations. I haven’t yet put that into practice but it kind of adds up – in such senses people pretty simple. Nice people are. Not everyone wants to cooperate, benefit is more important to some. I’m starting to realize it’s an old-fashioned view. The idea is actually the same as in marketing – building relationships and getting profit in return, only that between persons it’s natural. Take my father as an example: he always helps his friends out without expecting anything back, it’s natural for him – if he can, he will. But then those friends feel grateful and help him out in return. I’m not sure it works with strangers though. Not in every matter, I guess, but small things are as important. Being a nice person is a great idea, huh. In fact, I could go on and on – it’s a given, isn’t it? It’s news to me, yes, but the logic behind it clicks, doesn’t it? Especially if there’s not enough kindness around – the other person might even be surprised and distrustful at first! That’s how rare it might be…

So there – I feel I’m ready to risk being heartbroken by the people of this world, it’s time I carry smiles by myself. A guy came up to me on Tuesday. He came up to me and said: “You have a nice smile, man!” – simply as that. Then he went on complimenting my style. These two things kept me smiling and confident for a long time after that. It was also a very important lesson. Smiling is great, right? You can recognize a smile from far away, you can hear a smile on a phone, a smiling person looks his best and so on, and it’s that easy to inflict a smile – now how could you not do it? What kind of a dead-inside bastard would you be not to do it? I might agree that complimenting a stranger might seem intimidating, but just like chatting up girls and doing presentations, it takes practice. It also takes believing in your sincerity. If you are ashamed of being sincere, being childish, being stupid or naïve, well. Call me when you want to change. Who cares if you will be misunderstood when giving a sincere compliment – the other person’s at fault for being closed-hearted. You know, you have to have the smiling will to never give up, because it takes time to penetrate such armour. Never give up and just do it immediately without thinking about it too much.
(Note to self: Never let any task you do become a burden. It’s all in your head.)

P.S. You know how you keep on praising your girlfriend to vain, then some stranger compliments her and she's over the roof? There is an important lesson to be learned both as a boyfriend and as a smilesperson.

: )