What We Are

I wish I could meet myself to see myself for myself. For what I really am. I can't seem to have any constant opinion on what kind of a person I am juxtaposed to people I respect for handling life well. Would I find myself a pretentious stuck-up constant downer or an average kid with low self-esteem, or would I admire myself for my wisdom? Could I see a bright future for myself or would I realise that I'm the person to only talk the talk? Would I come to see that it's meaningless to try to measure up to what I myself see as standard? I'm trapped in myself and prevented from clearly evaluating myself.

Or just easily? Self-awareness is achievable even if I'm clueless at this point (still). Meditation? Hours of pondering? LSD? I'm swinging a bat blindly, but he who has a goal will find a way.

This need to know where we stand. Why? Self-important, insecure, validation-thirsty humans? I bet others have ideas on where do certain things leave them standing; and they strive to become, say, CEOs (random example) only to be able to stick a self-written label on themselves that they are important, admirable and whatnot. They pose as such and this deception make others believe that CEOs are in fact like that, and this then is a cycle. Some people who are unsure about themselves seek power to define themselves instead of searching for themselves. And when they have the power they won't listen to anyone anymore, because they're proven to be worth their salt, even if only on a material level; and there's no going back because they have expended themselves during that journey in a false direction.