It's strange. That such intelligent (≠smart, ≠educated) man as me has had a crush for a year now - that's what's strange. It's curious and not in a good way. Is it only until I get what I want, then? Or is it that I have created an illusion of what she is? I wouldn't think so, I'm experienced enough not to do that. Hey, here's a thought: maybe I think that she is worthwhile my patience? Oh look, I've answered my question then - I think. But all the interactions show that she's worth the rave! But is it my prejudice again? Should I cut it off? I can't.
It's 'easy come - easy go' for me. But now? This is so messed up, as if loving a machine or a doll. I have never seen her in real life, you know? I have never spent an hour with her. And here I am - blindly attracted.
What's up, me?
I like other girls too, that means it's not love, right?
I guess I will have to meet her to disperse my illusion and go home. Or stick to her like glue. Or, knowing me... Uh... Scenario. I meet her. I like her, she's all the things I thought she is.
- I wish I could see you again!
- I'm sorry, I can't because of genuine reasons.
...
- Come over tomorrow.
- I really have no possibility...
- I'll call you. At least that.
Back to square one.
Or she won't like me because I'm not the things she thought I was. I wonder if that's possible. I'm very legit.
Usually I arrive at something by writing. Have I arrived at something this time?
