Thougts of the Morning

You know when you look back and see how stupid you were back then? Imagine being ashamed of every last day. I have totally overslept and there is no chance to get the missing hours back, because I still gave to get enough sleep before the exam. I am such a slacker. And if it was true that there are others like me, what's wrong with you guys? I never care about the future. 6 hours ahead is already future to me. So I stay until 4 AM without realising that I'll have to get up early tomorrow. I usually hate myself in the evening, and in the morning all is gone, but now it's different.

BUT enough of the minor notes. I... Whenever it comes to seeing the bright side, I have no clue. How can it be bright if it's cloudy outside? Well I'll just think it's all good and that's how it will be. It works, but I feel bad about tricking myself.

Oh, right! Yesterday I realised that I'm a natural born addict. Addicted to Gossip Girl, Family Guy, Naruto Shippuuden, Samurai Champloo, camomile tea, crepes, Lugaru, Machinarium, World of Goo, finding something I would like to have on the Internet, then dreaming about it - everything had it's own time, even stealing. Am I weak in mind? What am I? Why am I not great? I should be, rising way above this miserable and petty routine-occupied life. But it all depends on me, I know that, yet I do nothing, even though it would not be hard. To be happy. It's all in your head, agrees Gorillaz. Every day I say I have had enough, but nothing changes. I change nothing. But, even by saying that I'm moving on, because I do have those ambitions.

I'm becoming numb, I need to see more violence, more hard times, more hard physical work. I'm becoming an average citizen, who has never seen an animal, nor it being slaughtered. I'm like an egg. Surrounded by transparent goo I am comfortable, but in order to grow I need to escape my comfort zone by breaking the shell myself. Because there is no one who actually cares about me. People in general only care about themselves, everything else is artificial. Or not lasting.

My morning pizza must be ready. Pizza in the morning... Jesus Christ...

Over and out.

The Awkward Introduction, The Awkward I

Being fascinated by someone (yes, an automated system) asking my opinion, I got carried away quite badly. This all ads as an example of the captivating mode of life of The Opt-Out Boy. God, I'm boring.

Random Question:You can punch a hole in an apple using a straw. How do you think that makes your milkshake feel?

I only CAN or DO I punch the hole? If there is only a possibility to do so, then a milkshake should have mixed feelings about the straw's ability to do more than intended accordance with it. But since it's MY milkshake, it will have to think whatever I will tell him to think, 'cause I'm it's God. On the other hand, If both the straw PUNCHES a hole in the apple and I am NOT the milkshake's God, it depends on whether a piece of the apple remains inside the straw after removing it from the apple. Although the milkshake will be worried in either situation about the acid in the juice of the apple changing its form (a.k.a. milk + acid), but in addition, if the piece of apple remains inside the straw and the straw is put back into the milkshake, not only will it have the horror or the pleasure of merging with the piece from the apple, but it might as well become worried about the juice affecting its taste. Taking it the other way, the milkshake might as well not give a damn about anything, because the using of the straw does not get more or less inevitable due to any of the given situation, also the juice from the apple might as well be of minor importance, because of heavily different volumes. It can also be true that the milkshake was readily mixed with acid-bearing fruits in any form. Even if that piece gets stuck in the straw, making the using of it, if not taken comparatively heavy measures, hardly possible, the now non-optimistic milkshake will be convinced that it was indeed created for a purpose and that other ways will be found to make use of it, because "the clog" reasoning is only an insignificant inconvenience. All in all milkshakes don't have feelings as they are products manufactured by humans from cow's milk (commonly) and additives. Although humans are not the only ones to have feelings, due to not being a living thing itself, it doesn't have any relation with a living thing, being which is a first step towards having emotions. Why do I have to make it so complex? Still if the milkshake was to have feelings, I have only covered a small part of the emotions the thing could feel depending on various factors. Reminds me of women. You never know.

I must do something. I must change, because as it is, I detest myself so much, that I sometimes have dark thoughts about myself. In the future I hope to amuse you with stories of me getting back on track to being social again. And sulking over how much of a total looser I am. Oh, I could go for hours on that! That does mean that there is something terribly wrong with me, like "enjoying being miserable". I must be mental. But first I have this Business Law exam the next day, for which I haven't seriously studied. Come to think about it, Hoping to learn it all in one day and going to sleep early to make it to the exam this next day is so optimistic, it's depressing. In "I am seriously doomed" way that sort of stabs you in the heart.

Great, another addiction - graphomanic this time.

"The irresisitable proliferation of graphomania among politicians, taxi drivers, childbearers, lovers, murderers, thieves, prostitutes, officials, doctors, and patients shows me that everyone without exception bears a potential writer within him, so that the entire human species has good reason to go down the streets and shout: 'We are all writers!'"

—Milan Kundera , The Book of Laughter and Forgetting

Enjoyed the book although in shocked me at one part. I can still feel it after one year. Still, you should read it.

Over and out.