The plane ticket to my death was only £25. I was in no rush to live my life. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you should learn from my demise. Nobody thinks about dying, yet death is right around every corner. I have had so much love to give away. So many people to make happy. And myself too. I was not there yet, even when happiness is a state of mind. It's a shame. I was just starting to figure out all the answers. And I have not known women. How regretful... Maybe I would have changed the world. That's what I wanted.
It's odd. At the age of 24 I was just taking my first steps. Would it have ever changed for me? There are always places for taking first steps. And I'd rather know a little of everything.

Nepasitikėjimas savimi ir perdėtas savikritiškumas yra mąstančių žmonių liga. Kuo mažiau galvosi apie savo trūkumus, tuo mažiau būsi paralyžuotas.


"Man irgi atrodo, kad viena is tavo stiprybiu yra kitoks mastymas ir kritiskas poziuris i dalykus :) Mano pavyzdziai buvo ne patys geriausi. Univeras nera tas faktorius, kuris butinai pades susirasti darba, o svarbiausiu dalyku irgi ismoksi tik pradejes dirbti.

Man labai liudna, kad save vertini prastai. Tikiu, kad su tokia galva ir netradiciniu poziuriu atsidurtum, kur reikia."
— Elina


How is it possible to think that I'm the best thing to walk this earth, but at the very same time to believe that I'm a useless piece of shit?


"You're being too rough on yourself. When was the last time you praised yourself for anything? You are very bright in the head and you have a very unique way of thinking! This alone can take you wherever you want!"
— Diana

Answer by Suzanne Sadedin to What is the evolutionary or biological purpose of having periods? http://www.quora.com/Menstruation/What-is-the-evolutionary-or-biological-purpose-of-having-periods/answer/Suzanne-Sadedin?srid=3etd&share=1

I have had only one girlfriend. For around two years. And that ended five years ago now. At first I really wanted another one, then, eventually, I would just sometimes long for one, and I would be really sad about not having one, but at all times I knew that I have to learn to be perfectly fine without another person in my life. Now, it feels like I have reached that and I can't believe it, because I doubted it being truly possible.
Not that this is the way to go, just my story.

And the five years wasn't by choice. I have very high standards for women, while at the same time women don't find me a piece of art. Because I'm a weirdo. I've collected a folder of advice that I liked regarding women, I'll send it to you once I'm on my laptop that's in Glasgow. But the thing is, that advice I could not just act on. I had to slowly change my views and, as a result, the way I act in accordance to whatever ideas I chose to believe in. But its not even about that,  I'm just wandering off.
It's about the way it is now. At the age of 24 I finally feel that I'm maturing. Only now. With that comes calm confidence. And, as said before, I am fine without the perspective of having a girlfriend now. There are other things that I want to put first now. For example, I'd rather get a fulfilling career rolling than fixate on looking for a girl. Baselessly, I believe that they will come once the rest of my life is in order. And you know the confidence and needlessness I mentioned earlier? Put those two together, add the little trick where you try to find the flaws in a girl to get her off the imaginary pedestal in your head, and you become a real charmer. Besides, I am the one belonging on the pedestal :) Right now I have meetings with several new friends and I don't even want to call that 'dates' with 'girls', because I am going there not looking for that. I'm just hoping to enjoy MY time in a company of someone attractive and, hopefully, interesting. I met up with one of the friends today and it felt good to not have any intentions. I could really relax and have fun. She is indeed top girlfriend material, but I really didn't let that sway me one bit. I was just having fun listening to a beautiful and very smart person talk to me about things. If we ever happen to date each other, cool. But she's from a different city to start with, and I have no heartache with not dating her (I can't speak about the upcoming meetings). The way I see it, women should be attracted to how I am now. I display no intentions, so they can relax and get curious.
However. There's a next step in meeting women. You mustn't drag things on. If you want to have a woman as your girlfriend, you kind of have to be straightforward about it. You have to make it clear that you want to date her, not to be her friend. And you have to act that way. So if you're just a super nice guy around women, they don't get the message at all.

Gender roles are very much alive.

Today, with the help from my mother and my grandma, I have figured women out a bit :) They want to be emancipated and in control of their own decisions. But sometimes they get stuck for some reasons. They don't know what they want anymore and some things seem like they're a big deal. Instead of harassing them to decide what they want and make sense to us men of it, we need to take care care of them. By taking over and getting done what needs to be done, so they can just stop stressing over it and move on.
And who knows, maybe they were expecting that of you all along. It's just that, like little girls, they cannot give it straight. Point is, don't get frustrated. Know when to take over, solve it for them and kiss them on the forehead.

Use with caution.

Buitis, mano drauge, yra baisus dalykas.

Buities aš bijau lygiai tiek pat, kiek ir mirties. Buitinio gyvenimo. Kai jo apraiška man ant peties padeda leteną, aš sugniūžtu, prarandu skaidrų protą ir pradedu dusti. Baimė mane paralyžiuoja. Aš matau, kad pasaulis yra vien tik pilka buitis, kad žmonės joje jaučiasi kaip žuvys kūdroje. Kad aš gyvenu savo vaizduotės pasaulyje, o jis skiriasi tuo buitiškojo taip nepalyginamai, kad be savo fantastinės realybės aš neištverčiau. Ir aš nežinau, kur bėgti. Glamūrinis pasaulis yra netikra užuojauta sumasintiems blizgesio. Paguoda, adresuota pačiam sau. Mados, stilius, grožis, skaisti oda, kava, švarkai, akiniai, inovatyvios idėjos ir begalinė jaunystė. Tai nesibaigia, bet vieną diena tu - prasuktas ir išspjautas. Tu vienas miegamajame mikrorajone.

Vienintelis prieglobstis yra protas. Visą laiką augantys išsilavinimas, išmintingumas, nušviestumas ir smalsumas. Bet vis tiek norisi priklausyti, būti dalimi. Jei negali dalintis, nors ir viskas ir nėra veltui, man taip atrodo. Gali daryti dėl savęs, bet, kuo daugiau proto, tuo daugiau abejonių. O abejojantis protas savęs negiria, nesididžiuoja ir nepalaiko.

Jei aš vieną dieną nepateksiu į nepakartojamai protingų žmonių klubą, nors ir pačiu kvailiausiu... Būsiu pakankamai protingas nejausti kartelio. Tik vienišas. Viduje vienišas.



Ir pinigai. Turtas padės išvengti baisios buities, per kurią žengiu ir šią sekundę, kaip prašalaitis. Vadinasi, darbas. O ką daryti, kad darbas nebūtų buitiškas? Būti ypatingai protingu. Aišku, nuo ko pradėti, bet ar aišku, kaip tai padaryti?

Bet ne iš baimės reikia stengtis - ir ne dėl laimės. Nes taip nieko nebus. Ir tavęs irgi nebus. Bus tik baisi baisi buitis.

The first meeting determines what relationship I will have with a man in the future. I am not certain of this, but it seems that way. I am unsure about whether it applies to women as well. But the way I get off with someone just seems to stick. Will I be serious? Will I taunt you? Will I flirt with you? Will I be nonsensical? Depends on what I decided to stick with when I met you. And from then on you will trigger that behavior in me.