February 14.

I really have no need for a better half.

I suffice and so does an increasing number of the Japanese: pow! eat this!

Marriage.

I was thinking... Once the gay marriage is legal, how long until marriage with anyone? Say, I love my best friend. We are both males, heterosexuals, but we want a family together. We adopt a child and provide him with home and family. Is there a problem with that? And then, to go even further, I, for instance, really love the Sun. More than any other thing in the world. Why couldn't I marry something I love?

Religion.

Suradau senas savo mintis apie religija. Geda kalbeti tokia tema, galo cia nebus, bet stai mano nuomone vis dar yra butent tokia - kad religija yra gerai, o krikscionybe yra zmogaus produktas.

The point in everything is what I make it to be, not what somebody tells it me it is.
So your church teaches you that God is in control of your destiny rather than yourself? Sorry for a silly example, but did God have a plan for murderers etc.? No, wait - it's rather they are lost lambs but they can choose to be led by God, right?
I wish God would correct 'the incorrect', but why hasn't it? How? To me it just adds up to the fact that religion is just an artificial thing you can take up. You can believe in anything and through your belief it will come true. It's a very interesting engine, but, in the sense of religion, it hasn't been used for good purposes in quite a while.
It's more of a habit for me, still calling out God's name from time to time. I believe God is a creation of man. It works the same way stories in the bible were created to teach, rather then just bullet-points a man might not get the technique, but he will believe something that has some 'meat around the bone'. Most of the people must know there is a higher power they can rely on. Is this about the magnitude of control and responsibility? Not just everyone can handle it. In my sense, we are Gods of this world, we are our own Gods capable of but able or willing to transform ourselves into whatever we choose to. "The Bible also says to say things as though they were" - exactly. I've managed to realise the system behind religion, to purify and to amplify and I am trying hard to enable myself to put it to my use, but the religion itself, to me, it is overly-manipulative, simplistic and yet swarmed with augmented information, making it suited for dimwits of the last ages.

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Krikscionybe yra labai ir labai reikalinga (tikejimas, religija). Jeigu manot, kad ji neduoda nieko gero, atsigulkit ant nugaros ir kokia diena gerai gerai apie tai pagalvokit.
Kazkada ir pats galvojau, kad religija yra blogis. Taip, ji sukurta (labai protingu zmoniu). Religija padeda zmonijai. Jei nebutu buve dievobaimingumo, butu buvus betvarke. Taisykles zinojo visi. Ir bent pusei Lietuvos gyventoju jos vis dar padeda. Svarbiausia, zmogui nepakeliama suvokti, kad pasaulis neturi prasmes, po mirties nieko nera, tik biologija, kad zmogus atsakingas uz absoliuciai viska, kad nera nieko aukstesnio, priziurincio ji (cia atkrenta tikejimas i save, nes zmones visumoje nepasitiki savo jegomis). Dauguma zmoniu negali netiketi likimu, o siuo atveju, Dievu. O tikejimas Dievu yra pozityvus mastymas: "Jis zino, ka daro, stengiasi del manes, viskas tik i gera". O meldimosi instrumentas yra ko gero geriausia dalis. Pirmiausia del meditacijos, mantros kartojimo. Toliau stiprus kasvakarinis minciu sutelkimas i trokstamus ivykius/dalykus yra labai veiksnu.
O jusu paziuros yra siauros. Tikriausiai isivaizduojat esantys gudruoliai, draskotes, moksliskai neigiat akivaizdybe ir galvojat, kad ateizmas jau yra didzio intelekto pozymis. As sypsausi, kokie jus visi kvaili :)

Life is the ultimate game.

Life is the ultimate game. Thinking about it thrills me. Nobody knows the rules if there are any. Nobody knows they are in it. People participate without playing and they don't move anywhere or just let others roll the dice for them.  Funny. Like being dead before death. Those others leading, might not know all the rules but they actively participate, they play to win and they have the experience. They take risks. They never stop. They never give up. There is no finish line, there is being high above to overlook everything. Don't you want that? Do you want it bad? Will you say good-bye to procrastination and do things even when you don't need to do anything? Will you constantly learn? Will you find ways when there aren't any? Do what you are afraid to do? Can you do all this all alone, for yourself? Call me when you're ready, we'll be partners.

A perfect girl for me

It's time I wrote about a woman I am... Wait. Not looking for - camping for (waiting :D ). Well it's not about this now :)

I had some time to contemplate this in my subconscious. I realized I want to write this some time ago. But this is the latest thing to come to me: what I need is a woman who brings out the best in me, continuously through the life. For that she has to be pretty darn smart. Emotionally intelligent, to be able to see through my thick shell. A woman who makes me want to be the best man, not even for her but for no apparent purpose. A woman who nudges me and proves to me that I have to get up when I don't want to do anything. A woman whose sheer existence makes me want to enjoy, no, celebrate life. Far-fetched, no? :)

LOOKS
Anyway, to me, looks come first. Not the only thing I care about, not the most important one, but  always first. I want someone beside me who I find really attractive. Whose face I can never look enough at. And curves; oh boy! :) 

To go into more detail, I noticed that I, as majority of men, am attracted to blondes. Long hair! Then, my guess is, I would probably prefer my lady to be as tall as me. Which is pretty tall. It's so uncomfortable to kiss someone a head shorter than you without putting on a step :D Not the reason, though. 

Then, I desire an athletic one. As me, or even more. It's not about common interests (although exercising is the way to go!) - it's about that body. And very much as well about the opposite of it: I don't care how skinny (or even curvy? I'm unsettled about writing this in) you are - if your muscles are degraded, there is little attractiveness for me. And when the opposite is true! Hubba Hubba! To add more, imagine two such bodies in bed! As opposed to anything that's not it. Feh. Oh, but I am also sexually attracted to petite women! Just don't see them as a partner. Silly me. 

What else is there? Big white eyes. Oh, I can go as far as eyelids. Double eyelids. Period. I don't dig anything else really. Oh oh oh, and full lips! A must. I am wooed by full lips. I heard that the owners are more physically sensitive as well. If you know what I mean. Hourglass body, long legs, proportionate hips. As for breasts, it's the shape that matters to me. Big is not attractive. Just stereotyped into men's skulls. Nope, I'm wrong, men are naturally attracted to big busts. They can't even listen properly when they get to gaze upon one. As research has shown. 

To continue, I don't even contemplate a heavy makeup wearer. I understand it's important to look beautiful. But I am annoyed by what I see as overdoing it. I guess the same goes for picking clothes. If one is sexy, she'll look good in anything, even cargo pants and oversized t-shirt. So to me, dressing provocatively ≠ dressing in style. Oh, by the way, I have a weakness of surrendering to striped underwear :F 

Continuing. I don't understand high heels, unless it's a ball. Not that I have something against. Just don't fall behind when I walk my usual 40mph ;) Speaking of which, I am very attentive to posture and how she walks. A woman has to appear like a woman, to proclaim it, even. Some women I pass don't even give this off from their body language. Nothing about her says she's a woman but some of her looks. I want the whole posture to say 'I am a strong and successful woman'. Not meek. Nobody likes meek.

Beautiful teeth also drive me crazy. And my latest thing is cheekbones. Probably because mine aren't that prominent.So where does this take us? To most of us men, face is what's the most important in a woman's looks. And I love how much I can read out from it :)



TO BE CONTINUED...

Oh, P.S. 'russian unicorn' definition on Urban Dictionary ;)

Nauja teorija.

Kaip ir pries kiekviena deadlaina as panikuoju, kyla egzistenciniai klausimai, polinkis i kurybinguma, i mena, krenta pasitikejimas savimi, savo egzistencija netgi. Lengva apatija, melancholija, savidestruktyvi nuotaika, issireiskianti visisku prioritetu ignoravimu. Teisingai porinu? Buna tau taip? Tik daugiau valios turi? O va man reikia draugo, kuris spirtu i sikna ir sugurintu nosi i knyga. Tikriausiai taip isaukletas. Bet ne apie tai.
Nuliudes masciau, kas gi galetu buti mano pasaukimas? Nezinau... 0 motyvacijos. O kas nenoreciau, kad butu mano darbu, mano kasdiene duona? Tas, anas, trecias, ketvirtas. Bet ar tikrai cia taip vardinsiu? Juk jauciu, kad greiciau - viskas, o ne tas ir anas. Savigaila, a? Tada sugalvojau, kad juk taip pat ir kitiems, kitu gyvenimas irgi toks pats tuscias ir laukiantis. Itariu, kad niekas siame pasaulyje is tiesu neturi paskirties. Ne pasaukimo, paskirties. Tikslo. Taip, zinau, kad zinai, nepurkstauk. Demesio, svarbiausia mano izvalga: laimi tie, kurie nepriima sito, leisiu sau susireiksminti, fakto. Tie, kurie kaip kates suka nosi ir visaip rangosi, kai bandai kazka ne to joms sumaitinti. Tie, kurie sau mazne per prievarta tvirtina, kad 'Stai cia mano tikslas, nieko nenoriu zinoti'! Tiesa nebutinai yra naudinga. Atsiprasau - 'Tiesa'. :)
Nujauciu, kad sitie pamastymai silpnadvasiski.

P.S. Ir is viso - tiesa? HA! Tu zinai, ka as manau apie tiesa!

For a moment, i grew dissatisfied with my life. The oblivion that i'm drowned in. Capitalising 'i' in "I" is rotten but so is me thinking this. i am dissatisfied with my life but everyone gets that sometimes, and is lulled back to convenience. i have big plans i have never even laid a stone to start. i'm all 'talk', 'think and forget'. Yet again i would question my purpose in life, knew i that there isn't much, just what i squeeze out, what we pitifully believe in so fiercely, we convince others of it. It's the truth. there is no truth in this world, not of that kind. Claws. Easy drift in suits and cocktail parties. It is different (for everyone) and beliefs are for lessening the burden. Everything can become a burden if you put your mind to it. The worst part is that i will forget all of this. This, what i call 'short-lived awakening', and what is more to it, is deceive. It is not real, but only a dream i trick myself into out of my clasp to life. "Yes, this is 'The Reality', you scratched the surface". i can't let go of believing in life, in my own value, no one is wildly enlightened enough to come into realisation that there is nothing under that 'reality of true things' no one is vile enough to see over. i will fade in to that 'sleep of life as we know it'. It's scary. To get attached to things, people, values, believes, Truths, my own moral code and what i will defend as 'correct'. It is scary, this survival mechanism required for developed (?) intelligence of ours. Scary because it's primitive, straightforward and yet so forceful and sophisticated. i'll explain: as we are developed enough to contemplate things such as the meaning of ourselves as individuals (self-centred, aren't we?), so to say we gain the ability to be exposed to a lot more stimuli, we cannot intake all of it and build up defensive barriers to reduce continuous stressful states. As the question might come subconsciously, it is denied at that very same subconscious level to keep us in our comfort zone. Most of the time it won't allow such contemplations to be started, even if voluntarily.

It's ugly how many times i have repeated myself in here. All it is, is DENIAL. Even me - i'm back into my life. My mind just backed up instead of wondering away. Because i'm of limited intelligence. i cant even force myself to think what i want me to.